Staring Out At Sea
by Neko Kuroban
Summary: Heero dies. Relena reflects.


Staring Out At Sea By Neko Kuroban

"You know that place between dream and awake, where you can just remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you...that's where I'll be waiting..."

A young woman stood upon the shore. The white foam touched her shoes, but she did not pull away. She barely dared to breathe. She just stood there.

Watching?

Waiting?

Listening?

No.

There was no signal. Only her memories could confirm that this spot - this stretch of beach that looked no different from the rest of the beach - was it. This was where they had first laid eyes upon each other.

If it had been two months ago, she would have laughed.

She used to joke that she was in love with him even then, but that had not come until much later. Any other girl would have been terrified and avoided him, but she had not been afraid. "I was too stupid to be afraid," she used to imagine telling her children. Their children. (The thought was like a knife to the side.)

She hadn't been afraid, even though it was a suicide attempt. She had been fascinated rather than terrified, intrigued rather than disgusted. She hadn't been able to believe it was an attempted suicide. How could a boy with such spirit behind those Prussian blue eyes want to die? Would a boy who wanted oblivion have attacked the paramedics and drove off in a stolen ambulance?

She had seen something no one else had: a desire to live.

And she had known.

They were seventeen when she first realized that she loved him, that he was more than a boy she had imagined dancing with when she was fifteen.

A year passed before she admitted it to him, much to the amusement of their close friends - their friends! What a concept!

No one was surprised.

Duo kicked his feet on the coffee table, beer in hand. "Are you going to take turns stalking each other now?"

They had three years.

Three wonderful, short years.

And then...chaos.

A rebel group declared war. They weren't the rebels the Preventers were trained to deal with: they had funding, they had public support, and they had mobile suits.

The Gundams were repaired and upgraded.

Five former pilots - men now, not boys - were drafted.

He came to her the night before they left.

He asked her to marry him. His voice was soft, almost inaudible, as if he did not dare raise his voice above a whisper.

She was stunned, and she sat in silence. She wanted to shout yes. She wanted to grab him around the neck and give him a dozen kisses. She wanted to tell him there was a war going on. She wanted to drag him into her bedroom. She wanted to crawl into her four-poster and pull the covers over her head. She wanted to tell him that she would be an idiot not to marry him. She wanted to tell him that she would be an idiot to marry him. She wanted-

"Forget I asked."

He snapped the small box closed, and he left.

She ran after him, naturally.

Rain was different in Italy than it had been in France, which was different from the rain had been in England, but she had always liked the rain - especially now, because that way no one could tell that she had already started crying. She had grabbed her umbrella but she hadn't opened it. She caught him in the car park, climbing into the vehicle he had rented for his short stay.

She meant to say "yes."

What she said was this: "You idiot, I love you!"

He turned to face her, and she smiled.

The wedding was a secret affair.

They would have no witnesses but Dorothy and Quatre. She wore a shell-pink sundress and pearls, as if it were any other day. Dorothy was the one who wore white. Relena stole a flower from a vase in the hotel and pinned it in her hair.

Heero was late.

So was Quatre.

Relena and Dorothy lied to one other and to themselves. Nothing was wrong. Nothing was wrong. Nothing was wrong.

It worked.

At least until Quatre sprinted into the courtroom, much to Dorothy's relief. His suit was rumpled and torn, his golden curls matted. "Relena!" His voice shook. "I need to talk to you!"

A part of her already knew.

A tear trailed down her cheek and hit the sand.

She had not wanted to cry. Not yet.

She opened the bag she had brought along. Trembling only slightly, she pulled out two items: a canister of ashes and a teddy bear wearing a powder blue bow. She hesitated but a moment before setting both down. This was the spot where he had tried to kill himself almost six years before. It was only fitting that this would be his final resting place.

"I love you." That was all she could think to say.

"Miss Peacecraft?"

"Please, Pagan. Just drive."

She had a battle to plan.

~~~The End~~~ 


End file.
